Cultures of Marriage

By Jarrod Thalheimer

Traditions can vary dramatically when it comes to walking down the aisle. It’s easy to think you’ve seen it all when it comes to weddings. Staple traditions like tossing the bouquet, “something borrowed, something blue,” or even the first dance seem imprinted on our collective psyche. Even the specifically Jewish tradition of wrapping a glass and stomping on it to shouts of “Mazel Tov” are instantly recognizable wedding customs to most of us.

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But the world is a big place and there are many, many more traditions and customs you’ve never heard of when it comes to young couples pledging “I do.” Here’s a sampling. How many do you recognize?SMASH FESTIn Germany, guests are encouraged to break porcelain dishes to celebrate a couple’s upcoming nuptials. The Polterabend (loosely translated as “making a racket at night”) normally takes place in front of the house of the bride or her parents. Guests gather and bring all manner of porcelain, stoneware, flowerpots, or ceramic tiles. They can even bring sinks or toilet bowls if they want! Glass is never used (due to its apparent role of symbolizing happiness).After the mass-crash event, the couple alone is responsible for the clean-up. This is supposed to make them aware that they will have to suffer together through difficult conditions and situations in life. Oh, those Germans!BABY ON BEDIn both Greece and the Czech Republic, there exists a custom where family and friends make up and decorate the marital bed for a newly married couple. When this exercise in physical preparation is done, a little baby is placed on the couple’s future bed to bless the union and “enhance their fertility.” While it is easy to appreciate the sweet symbolism inherent, they better remember to take the poor kid with them when they finish up, or the new bride and groom are in for one heck of a surprise when the honeymoon kicks off.STOP THIEF!In India, tradition dictates that a bride’s mischievous sisters and female cousins must steal the groom’s shoes at their first opportunity, hide them, and then demand ransom money for their safe return. Basically, the Joota Chupai (“shoe hidden”) is all about snatching the groom’sshoes as he heads to the Mandap (altar). Obviously, the groom will need them to leave the venue, so the terms of the confrontation are clearly set. At the same time, other family members and relatives of the groom are expected to help ensure that the females are unsuccessful, so they look for the shoes as the ceremony proceeds. If the shoes have not been found by the end, the groom must beg the girls to return them to him. Thus begins the “negotiation” phase where the opposing sides must agree on a (usually) handsome amount of money When you think about it, theft, lost items, frustration, one-sided negotiations, and cash payoffs are a pretty good way to prepare anyone for actual family life. Talk about realistic!WEDDING DOOR GAMESBy custom, Chinese bridesmaids are to give the groom (and sometimes his groomsmen) a hard time on the morning of the wedding day. They do this by holding the bride hostage somewhere and refusing to release her until the groom has “proven” his worth. This is done by putting the men through a series of tests and challenges, known as “wedding door games.” Challenges like Q&As about each other, the “Four Flavors of Life” (blindfolded eating contests), waxing leg hair (to appreciate a bride’s pain in childbirth), and more take place. Once completed, the groom must then pay off the girls with red envelopes full of money. How’s that for an introduction to your wife’s best friends?WE’D KILL FOR A GOOD CHICKEN LIVERFor couples in Mongolia hoping to set a wedding date, the process is…surprising (to say the least)! The Daur people of Mongolia require the bride and groom to participate in a process where they must kill and gut a baby chick together. They do this using a single knife that both hold simultaneously. Once done, the couple must together inspect the innards of the chick until they locate the liver. If the liver is in good condition and not diseased in any way, they are free to set a date for their marriage. However, if the liver is of poor quality, then they must continue to repeat the process until a satisfactory liver is found.While this is certainly not the kind of wedding tradition likely to gain traction in the west, perhaps its use has more value to those starting a household in outer Mongolia. Different strokes for very different folks.HUMAN RUGSpecific to the Marquesas Islands of French Polynesia is a strange custom immediately following the wedding ceremony. Once married, the bride and groom are required to walk a red carpet. The hook is that the unrolled carpet has been laid across the bodies of their friends and relatives now lying face-down on the ground, a sort of human rug.While it’s easy enough to imagine symbolic reasons for this odd tradition—family support, physical service of friends, “path of happiness” paved with family, etc.— you can just imagine the morning-of discussions had by participating family members. “Are you crazy? I can’t wear that! Do you know what’ll happen when they walk across me? I think I need something with shoulder pads, plus more layers.”TRIVIA FEET TORTUREA part of the “Falaka” ceremony in South Korea sees the groom’s friends and family hold him down, strip off his shoes and socks and then beat the bottoms of his feet with a stick or dried fish. This continues as he is fed trivia questions and ends only when he has answered enough of them successfully.The custom is said to assist in strengthening his memory for the role of husband, as well as his ability to withstand the pain that married life will likely bring, proving strength, character, and apparently masculinity. That this custom springs from the same place that brought the world the “Squid Games” now makes way more sense than it should.NO SMILES, OR ELSE!Marriage is taken very seriously in the Democratic Republic of Congo. As a country, they have surprisingly strict rules surrounding wedding ceremonies. One of these rules is about the temptation to smile. You and yours might be happy beyond belief about the occasion, but you are forbidden to smile. Should you be seen smiling before, during, or directly after the wedding ceremony itself—or even during the pictures taken before and after—you might not be allowed to wed at all.In their culture, marriage is seen as a very serious commitment, and not smiling is supposed to show that couples are treating it as such. While the whole “no smiling” stuff seems extreme, it’s hard not to appreciate their desire to see marriage as serious, big deal. Not a bad lesson at all.

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