What Do You Really Feel About That Face In The Mirror?

By Jarrod Thalheimer

We humans always seem to focus on the extremes, especially when it comes to how we feel about ourselves. Instead of seeking (and maintaining) a healthy balance, we seem to end up either gorging our egos on shallow adulation and unearned praise or poisoning them with constant self-loathing and relentless abuse. Then we let social media do its part by amplifying whatever pendulum-swing of mania we happen to be suffering and make things even worse.

The result? A confused mess of egoistic attention-seeking, fronting a deep-seated conviction of personal worthlessness pinballing its way through life in evermore reckless and destructive ways. Can you say, “unhealthy relationships” for $200, Alex? (or Ken, or Mayim)?” But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Genuine, sincere self-love is available to all, but only with an understanding of some basic truths that lie deep at the center of every person. Thankfully, BELLA exists to track down and share such pearls, seeking only to help steer you down the path of a balanced, holistic love for the singularly unique and incredible person that is you. Let’s get loving!

Truth #1: Your Existence Matters

First and foremost, you exist, and whatever the specific circumstances of creation that led to that reality, it means some entity somewhere decided you mattered enough to be here right now. And whether you believe in a higher power or merely hold trust in cosmic accident, the “miracle” that led to you being is ipso facto proof that you matter (trust me, it’s a logic thing). Embracing that truth is a critical first step toward fully loving yourself. Logic asserts that you become free to love yourself because you were “loved” enough to be given existence. So, whether you see your presence on earth as a function of God, nature, or merely the kismet of happenstance doesn’t matter. The universe wanted you here, and here you are in all your beautifully perfect imperfection. Embrace it. Accept it. Love it.

Truth #2: Your Gratitude Matters

It’s impossible to hate something you’re grateful for. Being grateful for the life you have received, no matter how difficult it may sometimes be, is the next crucial step in building real love for yourself. Gratitude is appreciation, and appreciation is an understanding and acceptance of value—the value of you! Just try disliking something that you’re genuinely grateful for… you can’t! This is why daily gratitude, even for the struggles that invade each of our lives, matters so much. Only gratitude can overwhelm negativity, and practiced repeatedly, it leads to a confidence that not only strengthens your own love for yourself but can inspire others as well.

Truth #3: Your Forgiveness Matters

Practicing forgiveness for others is a given. Everyone knows how damaging the holding of slights and grudges can be. Living in anger requires a constant boil of simmering, negative energy. Inevitably, it weighs us down and tires us out, physically and mentally. But the same goes for personal forgiveness as well. Being able to forgive our own mistakes, weaknesses, and imperfections allows the warmth of real love to return to our hearts, growing them in ways that are transformative. Rehashing and reliving the errors of existence over and over does little more than depress and darken whatever love we have for ourselves. Acknowledge mistakes, work to correct them, but be willing to forgive yourself for committing them. Forgiveness matters just as much for yourself as for others…. maybe more!

Truth #4: Your Attitude Matters

Nothing ever gets them down. Their chirpy, always-up attitude can seem grating and annoying, especially to those already grumpy or angry. And yet, it’s exactly this kind of approach to the challenges of life that can make all the difference. The ability to reframe troubles, to shift your point of view of an event from the most negative outlook available to the most positive possible will go untold miles in structuring the kind of psyche that can not only support personal love, but that exudes it for everyone else too. Every morning, we have a choice in how we face the day. A positive attitude is everything. Make the right choice and reap the rewards.

Truth #5: Your Love Matters

By establishing that you as an individual matters, we also establish that your love matters too. Everyone has had times in their life when the love they’ve offered to others was either unrequited or even outright abused. It hurt every single time. But the fact that it hurt only confirms the sincerity of the gift that was given. Just as you can love because you are loved, the love that you offer to others confirms the importance of it as a gift of real significance and its value. For your love to have value, you must have value—which is why the circle that is created begins and ends with the love you have for yourself. Incredibly, the more you offer, the more that returns to you and the more valuable it continually becomes, creating the most perfect expression of harmonious symmetry we will ever know. And this amazing gift is instantly available to every one of us, but only when we consent to loving ourselves first.