By Julie Davelman

Some people have been planning their weddings in their head for years and in the real world for months. A wedding is the culmination of imagined moments and tireless preparations. Having given the day so much, you expect perfection. However, there are no perfect days, and things may go wrong on this special day, despite your best efforts. So, how do you keep yourself from becoming so disappointed that it ruins your day?

People often say, “I am so worried about how the day is going to go!” However, worry is not protective, and worrying alone will not prevent bad things from happening. As the day approaches and the worry thoughts creep in, try to substitute worrying with planning. Through thorough planning, you may be able to prevent a problem or at least have a prepared alternative to fall back on. As much as you do not want to imagine things not going according to plan, the more you can do that, the more thorough your Plan B will be. For example, if you have always wished for an outdoor ceremony, you will likely worry that it might rain. But your worry has no impact on the weather. So, if that is all you do, you will be unprepared when the rain starts. On the other hand, while you continue to hope for the outdoor ceremony, you can come up with an alternative to fall back on in the case of rain and you will be better prepared to deal with it.

The next thing to consider is your own expectations. If you expect a perfect day, everything that does not go according to plan will stand out like a sore thumb. But how likely is it that the day will go perfectly? If you go into the day saying to yourself, “this day must be perfect because if something goes wrong, the day will be ruined,” you run a high chance of feeling that way, as some issues are inevitable. Alternatively, if you set your expectations much more flexibly, it will be easier for you to adjust. You can talk yourself through a more realistic view of the day by saying to yourself “I have put in a lot of planning, and that will minimize how many surprises I must deal with. But if the unexpected happens, I will deal with it and still have an amazing day.”

When you think back on your wedding day many years later, it is possible and even likely that the things that went according to plan will not be the things that stand out in your memory. What may form the most vivid memories are the things that were not supposed to happen and did. Whether an incident turns into a positive memory or a negative one mostly depends on how you dealt with it. For example, if one of the bridesmaid bouquets falls apart and so do you, you will likely remember this as a horrible moment. But, if you can take a deep breath, pull yourself and the flowers back together, and tie the flowers up using twine that was left over from the centerpieces, you will likely look back on the moment with fondness and snicker every time someone tells you that the bouquets were stunning. That is not to say that you want surprises, but at the end of the day, your handling of them is what will ultimately matter when you reflect on the day.

It is hard to believe that all the intensive planning that goes into pulling a wedding together is in the service of just a few hours. Nonetheless, these are hours that you are likely to remember forever. How fondly you remember them depends a lot on the attitude with which you approach the day. Imagine all the situations that you wish will not happen, but plan for them anyway. Imagine the day turning out many ways so that you can teach yourself to be more realistic about how the day may actually go. And finally, allow yourself to remember that the day is truly about forming memories, and the memories should be positive, not perfect.